Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar?

crazylaw · 10-14-2007

My boyfriend just dumped me... I think because I failed the bar ... again. I don't know if I am ready to get back there and take the Feb bar. Do you think I should?

kansmith · 10-14-2007

I would! If he dumped you at your hardest time, then prob. he is not the one for you anyway. Life is not always sweet and nice, your partner should be able to share your laughters and tears! Let him go and set yourself free. Get yourself together and study for yourself. you will be just fine

mgill · 10-14-2007

Definitely! Things are never going to be 100% smooth and nice, so if you want to pass, get back in there!

Some suggestions - if you've failed the bar once, find a personal tutor that can work with you on a one on one basis. This well help you, not just with substance, but set up a study calender and keep you on track.

Good Luck!

Source:www.lawtutors.net

cglaw · 11-29-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazylaw

My boyfriend just dumped me... I think because I failed the bar ... again. I don't know if I am ready to get back there and take the Feb bar. Do you think I should?

First of all, I’m sorry about your boyfriend. It’s always bad that at the most difficult times people leave us. But realize he’s not for you. Second, I’m sorry about the bar exam. I know you must be frustrated, but realize that you can and WILL pass! PM me if you want any materials. I don’t know what state you sat for, but I have some tips that can be used for most states!

nyjoeygk · 11-29-2007

I think you should just take it and get it over with. The bar, by it self, is a mental crises, get it done ASAP.. Push everyone else aside.

suz-dz · 12-19-2007

Sometimes it is not about passion or doing what you like/love.. sometimes a job is a job or so says Penelope Trunk:

Quote:

Bad career advice: Do what you love

One of the worst pieces of career advice that I bet each of you has not only gotten but given is to “do what you love.”

Forget that. It’s absurd. I have been writing since before I even knew how to write - when I was a preschooler I dictated my writing to my dad. And you might not be in preschool, but if you are in touch with who you are, you are doing what you love, no matter what, because you love it.

So it’s preposterous that we need to get paid to do what we love because we do that stuff anyway. So you will say, “But look. Now you are getting paid to do what you love. You are so lucky.” But it’s not true. We are each multifaceted, multilayered, complicated people, and if you are reading this blog, you probably devote a large part of your life to learning about yourself and you know it’s a process. None us loves just one thing.

I am a writer, but I love sex more than I love writing. And I am not getting paid for sex. In fact, as you might imagine, my sex life is really tanking right now. But I don’t sit up at night thinking, should I do writing or sex? Because career decisions are not decisions about “what do I love most?” Career decisions are about what kind of life do I want to set up for myself?

So how could you possibly pick one thing you love to do? And what would be the point?

The world reveals to you all that you love by what you spend time on. Try stuff. If you like it, you’ll go back to it. I just tried Pilates last month. I didn’t want to try, but a friend said she loved the teacher, so I went. I loved it. I have taken it three times a week ever since. And it’s changed me. I stand up straighter. (I’d also have better sex, if I were having it. The Pilates world should advertise more that it improves your sex life: Totally untapped market.)

Often, the thing we should do for our career is something we would only do if we were getting a reward. If you tell yourself that your job has to be something you’d do even if you didn’t get paid, you’ll be looking for a long time. Maybe forever. So why set that standard? The reward for doing a job is contributing to something larger than you are, participating in society, and being valued in the form of money.

The pressure we feel to find a perfect career is insane. And, given that people are trying to find it before they are thirty, in order to avoid both a quarterlife crisis and a biological-clock crisis, the pressure is enough to push people over the edge. Which is why one of the highest risk times for depression in life is in one’s early twenties when people realize how totally impossible it is to simply “do what you love.”

Here’s some practical advice: Do not what you love; do what you are. It’s how I chose my career. I bought the book with that title - maybe my favorite career book of all time - and I took the quickie version of the Myers-Briggs test. The book gave me a list of my strengths, and a list of jobs where I would likely succeed based on those strengths.

Relationships make your life great, not jobs. But a job can ruin your life - make you feel out of control in terms of your time or your ability to accomplish goals - but no job will make your life complete. It’s a myth mostly propagated by people who tell you to do what you love. Doing what you love will make you feel fulfilled. But you don’t need to get paid for it.

A job can save your life, though. If you are lost, and lonely, and wondering how you’ll ever find your way in this world. Take a job. Any job. Because structure, and regular contact with regular people, and a method of contributing to a larger group are all things that help us recalibrate ourselves.

So if you are overwhelmed with the task of “doing what you love” you should recognize that you are totally normal, and maybe you should just forget it. Just do something that caters to your strengths. Do anything.

And if you are so overwhelmed that you feel depression coming on, consider that a job might save you. Take one. Doing work and being valued in the community is important. For better or worse, we value people with money. Earn some. Doing work you love is not so important. We value love in relationships. Make some.

sweetlg · 12-19-2007

that is such a good article.. thank you for sharing... I totally agree.. do what you are good at, not just what you love.

pink_pedicure9 · 01-02-2008

Seriously girl, screw him. I know you may think it's an emotional crisis but he's clearly unsupportive and you can find someone who is better for you. I wouldn't hold up my career and my future for any man, never mind one that doesn't stick with you through the bad times.

As a side note, my dad died right before I graduated and I still had to take my finals and study for the bar and honestly I don't think it would have helped me if I had just wallowed in my sadness. If I had postponed it I don't know when I would have taken it because I'm every bit as saddened by it now as I was then, but I still have to work and eat and pay bills so it makes more sense to move forward.

ipnoland · 04-07-2008

Did you take the Feb exam?

crazylaw · 04-07-2008

No... I didn't. I will try this July tho. I am much more stable now, and I want to thank everyone one this board who PMed me and encouraged me. Thank you.

10-14-2007	#1
crazylaw New Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 18	Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? My boyfriend just dumped me... I think because I failed the bar ... again. I don't know if I am ready to get back there and take the Feb bar. Do you think I should?

10-14-2007	#2
kansmith New Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 13	Re: Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? I would! If he dumped you at your hardest time, then prob. he is not the one for you anyway. Life is not always sweet and nice, your partner should be able to share your laughters and tears! Let him go and set yourself free. Get yourself together and study for yourself. you will be just fine

10-14-2007	#3
mgill New Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 39	Re: Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? Definitely! Things are never going to be 100% smooth and nice, so if you want to pass, get back in there! Some suggestions - if you've failed the bar once, find a personal tutor that can work with you on a one on one basis. This well help you, not just with substance, but set up a study calender and keep you on track. Good Luck! Source:www.lawtutors.net

11-29-2007	#5
nyjoeygk New Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 9	Re: Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? I think you should just take it and get it over with. The bar, by it self, is a mental crises, get it done ASAP.. Push everyone else aside.

12-19-2007	#7
sweetlg New Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 37	Re: Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? that is such a good article.. thank you for sharing... I totally agree.. do what you are good at, not just what you love.

01-02-2008	#8
pink_pedicure9 New Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 11	Re: Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? Seriously girl, screw him. I know you may think it's an emotional crisis but he's clearly unsupportive and you can find someone who is better for you. I wouldn't hold up my career and my future for any man, never mind one that doesn't stick with you through the bad times. As a side note, my dad died right before I graduated and I still had to take my finals and study for the bar and honestly I don't think it would have helped me if I had just wallowed in my sadness. If I had postponed it I don't know when I would have taken it because I'm every bit as saddened by it now as I was then, but I still have to work and eat and pay bills so it makes more sense to move forward.

04-07-2008	#9
ipnoland New Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 42	Re: Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar? Did you take the Feb exam?

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Going through an emotional crisis - should I still take the bar?

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